how I learned to dance in the rain!

2014 was a Year that changed me. Fundamental. No stone stayed on the other. It feels like the Temple of my life was demolished and rebuild. I suffered and cried. I had heartaches and desires like never before in my life. My heart was broken over and over. Like never before in my life. My heart was healed over and over. Like never before in my life. I saw Jesus His love for my own life and the ones around me. Like never before in my life. I felt the pain that Jesus has over the His lost sheeps. Like never before in my life. I experienced Jesus in a depth and entered into a intimacy with him, like never before in my Life. I was homesick and just wanted to go home. Like never before in my life. I wanted to give up, scream at the people around me, curse them. Wanted to scream at Jesus and tell Him to leave me alone, like never before in my life. I saw how my vision became the vision of many. Like never before in my life. It is not my vision, it is not even “the” vision. It is a dream that we all have. To arrive in something that is our destiny. People all over Germany, in the USA und my Church here in SF began to live my Vision. I never experienced something like that before.

I saw Teenagers who were so uncertain about what they were doing in SF. Who were shocked by what they saw in the TL. Who were so broken because of all the poverty, the homelessness, the drug abuse, the hopelessness. Teenagers who took their brokenness und changed it into Hope and love. They cried, they fought and they prayed for people which they sometimes knew for less than 10 minutes. I saw radical love and hope. I saw Teenagers who ere so shy that I thought that would be a week of disappointments. Oh I naïve I am.

Do you know what Jesus does with shy People? He makes them brave! Er strengthens them! He gives them the right words, at the right time. I saw these shy Teenagers with loud, bad mouthing, rude and extroverted people on the streets. Do you know what happened? After their conversation with the very same people they stood, hands holding in a circle, praying. Praying with broken people who were crying because these inconspicuous Teenagers spoke hope in to hopelessness and light into darkness in to Jesus his Kings Kids.

I had so much fun that sometimes my face was hurting from all the laughing. I had dance parties in the Kitchen with great Teenagers and Students. 

Sometimes I cried so much that I had headaches from all the crying. But I didn’t only cry tears of sadness but tears of thankfulness, joy and hope. I shared tears with friends, sitting in the stillness and crying together. Good tears! Tears that Jesus catches and keeps, because those precious tears will later help to restore broken dreams!

In the summer I had 9 interns. All of them great people. Two days before the internship started I got a prophesy at Bethel Church in Redding. A prophesy that I would be a big brother to a couple of girls this summer. The interns arrived and it didn’t take long and I knew exactly who these girls are. Who these girls are I would mentor, who I would be a big brother too, who I would be allowed to speak Jesus into their lives. Jesus would use me to speak truth and healing into their lives. To my girl in particular I would build a very close friendship in fact a brother/sister relationship. It would blow up everything I ever expected. Conversations were so deep that sometimes we had no idea how that happened . Words , images, wisdom , looks into the past. Impressions which the Holy Spirit has given me in conversations that sometimes it was almost scary. Incredible healing that has happened . Tears are shed and could not be stopped. Laughter that could not be stopped. The Holy Spirit simply brought us to the ground and sometimes let us worship for hours. The nights were just there to talk to pray or to sit quietly next to each other . I wish I could go into more detail, but that is beyond the scope and trust. I have not only been giving at this time but got an incredible amount of blessings back. I have seen how God used me personally, I 've seen that I 'm a man whom Jesus has given wisdom as a gift . I got two little sisters who will be forever in my heart. Whose friendship I will cherish forever.

I took a perspectives class and learned so much about mission that sometimes I could not handle that, but it's wonderful to see God's gift and His hope for the world. His love story he writes every day and someday will finish with a period. What I have learned is that " mission exists because worship doesn’t" If only we would worship Jesus with our whole life then people would be infected and inflamed around us!

Colombia was wonderful difficult and wonderfully beautiful! My heart  so broken and so full of sadness , because I had to say goodbye to my sisters before. A heavy burden in my heart as I 've never felt before. Yes , I mourned . How someone mourns the loss of a loved one. I sat in the sadness and waited and cried and begged Jesus to take this burden from me. He did not. The opposite happened. He broke my heart even more. But not to hurt me , to torment me. No. He did it to show me that it will always hurt to help. To help other people to love them, hurts . But the wonderful thing is pain also always means healing. The hope that Jesus makes everything right and leads to good ! I learned that in Colombia. But I also met a wonderful and incredibly warm culture. A new language and Breathtaking beauty. Saw people that worshipped Jesus with a passion I’ve never seen before in my life. Teenagers who had such a hunger that they just couldn’t stop worshipping Jesus . The youth camp began at 7 in the morning and sometimes ended at midnight.

Besides fun and action and Leisure there was prayer and worship times that sometimes lasted 2-3hrs or longer. These are young people and no adults ! This is the future of Colombia and the world. I have hope ! Oh yes, that is the start of a mighty wave. ! I have seen blatant poverty in Bogota yet experienced a hospitality that I got sick to my stomach. Why sick to my stomach? Because I have so much and am still complaining . Because I feel so good and I still want more . I have learned so much from it. And Jesus has made me so much more generous through it. Thank you, Thank you, Thank you. We were received and treated like rock stars. But the true stars are the youth and adults of Colombia , these brothers and sisters in Christ who want to make Bogota a better city! 

I've seen more of  the US as I would have thought this year. I had the privilege to go to a conference in Orlando, Florida. And took vacations in in Seattle ,Vancouver (Washington), Fresno and Philadelphia. I have experienced incredible hospitality and made new friends.

Often I had moments where I thought that I don’t have enough money. Every time I thought that, money was appeared or was given to me. People who put money in my Bank Account, people who gave me money or I found money or was invited. God is good!

I found a wonderful Church here in SF where I feel at home. A Church that shares my heart and vision and decided to support me financially. What a blessing! A local church that welcomes me in to their city, sends me out and supports me in prayer and finances.

At last I meet many new, incredible people. People within and outside of YWAM. Peole I call not only friends but family. I had the chance to get to know Christian community. I saw the good and ugly sites of it. But I have a community here I don’t wanna miss anymore. When I was homesick for SF for the first time, I know I settled. Berlin will be my home forever but San Francisco is now home too and will be forever as well. I learned here so much about myself and still do. I still have a lot to process.

Yes I learned how to dance in the rain. Anyone can dance and be happy when the sun is shining. But the art is to dance when it rains. When it is dark around you. When there is no reason to laugh or to dance. When there is no reason to be happy. When it rains you are looking for cover. I’ve learned to go out when it rains. To stand in the rain. To laugh and to cry in the rain. To see rain as what it is. Rains makes the dry, wet. Rain takes care of the withered ground and waters it. Without rain, no sun. Without rain no beautiful nature. Who doesn’t want to get wet, misses something! Yes sometimes rain turns into a flood and you might think you will drown. Sometimes you will sink. But you can rescue yourself in the last moment, yes you will be rescued! When you catch your breath again and you’re dried up you will realize this life s worth living! Rain is awesome, dance in the rain!

Thank you for everything in 2014. You guys rock!

Be blessed!